And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
