the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
