Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
