Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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