i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
