Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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