No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
