Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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