On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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