yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
