I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
