i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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