I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
