Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sext me about skeletons
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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