I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
