Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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