is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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