i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
