I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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