um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
