I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
