2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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