All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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