Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
