just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
