You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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