He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
