i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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