DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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