where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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