She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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