this boner is exhausting
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
