Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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