As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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