the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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