Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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