I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
