He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
