you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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