Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Holy shit dude........stairs
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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