non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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