The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
