Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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