if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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