The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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