Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i believe in u and ur pee
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
