so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
