I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
