Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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