i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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