Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
