Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
