i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize