Sry I called you an 8
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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