dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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