Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
