PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
