I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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