I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
