he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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