His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Even my vagina gasped.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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