So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
