You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
