I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
