She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
