i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize