Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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