I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
