i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
