so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize