the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
