You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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