right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I had to cum in my sink.
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