im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
