He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
