I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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